"HE'S BEHIND YOU!!!!"

I went to the pantomime last Thursday (it's Christmas in England, after all)... and not just any panto; the one at the Old Vic, Aladdin, starring Sir Ian McKellen as the Widow Twankey. I'd missed out last year because I'd never got around to getting a ticket, and had been mad with myself ever since, so when I heard the great Sir Ian was reprising his role, I booked a ticket as soon as I could.

What can be said about such an experience? If you've been to a panto you know what it's like; if you never have, nothing can really describe it fully... and this one had it all; music and dancing and groanable jokes and audience participation and great sets and a wonderful villain and Sir Ian McKellen :D I haven't laughed as much in a long time; it was absolutely hilarious... such a totally English experience; very clever jokes mixed in with totally (and deliberately) awful ones, double entendres galore, lots of slapstick, loads of local references (really made me feel like a Londoner; I understood most of them!! ;)), a villain to boo and hiss at every opportunity, and of course the classic panto tradition of the Principal Boy played by a woman (Frances Barber as Dim Sum) and the Pantomime Dame played by a man (Sir Ian, as mentioned, who seemed to revel in his many costume changes and his many ridiculous lines... and dancing... the man has a fine set of legs...) ...see, even now I'm not coming close to describing it. You'll just have to imagine it...

I think I just HAVE to finish with the words of a London critic, who showed true panto spirit when he ended his review thus:

'Well, we'll be able to tell our grandchildren that we saw McKellen's Twankey, and it was huge.'

*grins and groans allowed* ;)

[These photos aren't mine, of course; no cameras allowed; but I was able to find some on the web. And you can click here for a tantalising little glimpse of the action in a videoclip from the Old Vic website.]

How to have Christmas

Ingredients:
One London terrace house, Victorian era (next to a park, if possible)
One tiled fireplace (must have proper mantlepiece)
One Christmas tree (Blue Spruce is recommended)
Sundry decorations (buy some from the V&A if you can; their selection is lovely)
A garland for the fireplace (may have to be ordered off the internet as they're VERY hard to find)
Ilex or holly or other seasonal flowers, as desired, from Columbia Road
Assorted friends to come around and drink red wine and eat roast pork and admire all of the above


Method:
Purchase Christmas tree, bring it home by any means necessary. Wrestle it into the living room, release it from its net and set it up in its stand. Fill stand with water. Decorate tree with lights and baubles and lovely gold lametta.
Liberate garland from the over-large box it arrived in and unbend all the tips. Hang from brass hooks in the underside of the mantlepiece. If you should discover that the mantlepiece is actually metal, and brass hooks cannot be screwed into it, wedge the hooks into crevices and hold them there by sheer willpower and reverse gravity. Decorate garland with decorations from the V&A.
Invite friends to celebrate St Nicholas' Day. Buy pork, apples, parsnips, potatoes and other vegetables. Buy pudding, brandy sauce and double cream from the Channel Islands. Buy wine.

Serves four.

Where I Work

The astute amongst you may have noticed a new link over on the right... yes, Dad; another one for you. :)

In September, at the start of the school year, I started working at a comprehensive school called Brampton Manor in Newham, one borough east of Hackney. It's day to day supply work, meaning that I have no timetable, and just appear in the mornings to be told what I'll be doing that day. Sometimes that's good, other times... less so ;) But this is not about the trials and tribulations and occasional joys of a supply teacher in the East End of London - no, that's all going in my book ;) - this is just about getting an idea of the general area, which has definite similarities to Hackney, but a certain flavour all its own.

So come with me, if you will, and I will take you to Newham.

First, set your alarm for about 5.45am... you have to be at work at 8.00am, and the journey's about an hour, and it's so cold you want to make sure you have time for porridge before you leave, and then there's the hair-wrangling... set? ok then... once you're out of the house, skirt London Fields (or cut through that little south-west corner in the semi-dark and look at the frost lining all the fallen leaves) and make your way out to the bus stop on Mare Street. Jump on the 106 or the 254 or the D6 and stand in the aisle for about ten minutes as you lurch your way down to Bethnal Green tube station. Jump out, pass the cool guy in his woollen beanie and thick coat selling coffee from a portable stand at the top of the stairs, and sweep down with the clopping masses... grab your copy of Metro from the stand as you pass (if you're practised you'll be able to do it without stopping), swipe your Oyster Card (you're probably past giving superior and slightly patronising looks to the poor saps standing in the ticket line), and go down the escalator (stand on the right, walk on the left, as all good Londoners both know and, surprisingly, do).

Everyone else is going west, into the centre of town, but you're going east, so the trains are never crowded. Central Line east, one stop, and out at Mile End to change, but you're lucky, because it's one of the handful of stations where the change is a simple walk across the platform. You'll probably only stand there for a few minutes before a District or Hammersmith & City Line train comes through, but it may well be enough time for Train Man (is there one in every city?) to approach you and ask - gabble, really - 'next train coming soon? two minutes?'

It's five stops to Upton Park, but it never feels like that... it's a very quick journey. You'll probably only get half of Metro read.

You were clever and walked right up the platform at Bethnal Green, so now you can come out of the tube like a racehorse out of a gate and straight up the stairs; you COULD catch the bus but that's only a last resort for freezing days (and tired Fridays) so let's walk, shall we?

Upton Park station is on Green Street, a fabulous multi-cultural thoroughfare running almost north-south, and the heart of the area... not all that busy now, at just after 7.30am, but still busy enough. And the shops are interesting - if not all exactly beautiful - even when they're shut.

OK, briskly now; it's cold and icy and your breath is coming in clouds; it was nicely warm on the tube and of course you didn't remove your coat; no one does; so you'd better trot now to warm up again. Head south down Green Street, past Queen's Market, just setting up (it will be in full swing when you come back through this afternoon), and the last few shops; after a few minutes it will be mixed shops and residential, all old terraces. Except, of course, the massive exception to this rule - the West Ham Football Stadium, absolutely huge, coming up on the left.

Keep walking; Barking Road is coming up, with the beautiful

Boleyn on the corner; cross, pass the Bobby Moore statue (don't know who those other blokes are; everyone always just mentions Bobby Moore), and go down Boundary Road. It's all residential now, apart from the odd corner shop or off-license, and even though the houses are all the same at first glance, there is still a subtle beauty in that.

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If you're lucky, the sun will just be rising on a perfect winter day.

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Just as you crest the hill before the school, where Boundary Road has turned into Boundary Lane (for those following progress on the map, you will have just had to click the green arrow bottom centre) you'll pass the Greenway, a cycle and walking path which starts in Stratford (I think) and finishes I know not where; those two frosty photos I included in a previous post were of the Greenway.

And then you're there. It's a pretty standard comprehensive I guess; not much greenery (though there's more than can be seen in those photos; there are a couple of internal courtyards, including the Reading Garden, which are really quite pleasant), reasonably modern but not particularly attractive architecture, etc.

Anyway, that's it; you're there now; I recommend you have a coffee before starting the day, as you're probably up for more than five hours of teaching and general crowd control, the first four of those hours with pretty much no break at all... but let's gloss over all that, shall we, and you can meet me at the gate after the school day's ended? because then we could retrace our steps, going back up Green Street and past Queen's Market and Upton Park tube, and into the bustling and busy part of Green Street; we could look at cheap shoes, or saris, or any number of pound shops and bargain bazaars, or Middle Eastern sweet shops, or go into Zam Zam International, as I did today, and find a lovely wrap in beautiful muted browns and blues, for only £8, and end up spending twenty minutes talking to Farhana and Ruksana, sales assistants in Zam Zam, recently arrived from Bangladesh, and just lovely; friendly, funny, interesting, vivacious. Ruksana may well be the first woman you speak to who is wearing a burkha; don't let it put you off ;)

Scrapbook: The Alhambra

In August I fulfilled a dream: I spent four days in Granada, Spain, and visited the ancient citadel of the Alhambra, with its palaces and gardens. The town was fascinating and beautiful as well - more on that another time - but the only reason for the visit was the Alhambra; ever since seeing photos, when I was still at school, of its water gardens, and hearing little bits of its history, I had wanted to go, so when I had the opportunity (well - made the opportunity ;) ), I took it.

Having heard horror stories about day-long queues, I had booked my ticket ahead of time, and caught one of the first buses up the hill, while it was still relatively cool, but I still only made it into the second group allowed into the Nasrid Palaces. I spent some time wandering in the gardens beforehand, discovering beautiful places of calm and quiet and long early morning shadows and the sound of plashing water. When it was finally my turn to walk down that shadowed entrance way and through the ancient doors I found I had tears in my eyes, and had to laugh at myself to banish them.

The Nasrid Palaces are beautiful mazes of courtyards, halls, intricately carved windows, columns, flowing water, cool tiled floors... everywhere your eyes turn there is something beautiful to see, and the sound of the constantly flowing water is more than pleasing to the ears; it seems to actually cut some of the heat from the air. The rooms are peaceful and shadowed and cool; many of the courtyards are bright and singing with light and heat.

The Courtyard of Lindaraja, on the left, is shady and cool; the Courtyard of the Lions, below, is one of the most famous areas within the Nasrid Palaces, and still contains the original lion fountain. The slender pillars at one end, holding aloft the stone canopy which shades the shallow channels of water, reminded me of a grove of palm trees.

After leaving the Nasrid Palaces one comes out into the Partal; gardens and pools arranged on many levels, overlooking the city below. By the time I entered the Partal it was the middle of the day and very warm - over forty degrees - but it was still a pleasant place to wander, and everywhere, everywhere, the restful sight and sound of water.

I then left this part of the complex, and walked over to the Generalife, a summer palace and retreat of the court. I hadn't known it, but this was what I had been waiting so long to see - one of the water gardens there was instantly recognisable as the one in the photograph that I had seen when I was twelve.

The gardens of the Generalife are so beautiful as to be indescribable. I can tell you what they look like; show you photos - my best photos, chosen from the multitude I took that day - but it will still not come close to the beauty of those gardens.

I'm going back to the Alhambra one day.